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I’d hired Brandon to be my PA and help with recruiting. Yes, he had been sent to me by Rigby Thompson and Associates, but I’d not had a background check done on him. It became clear to me that what I’d accused Teddy Wesleyan of had come to bite me in the butt. I’d chastised him for thinking everyone was out to get his money. I’d been too trusting. While Brandon wasn’t after my money, he was after me. Some people couldn’t stand my success. I hated that I needed to be on guard for this type of thing. I planned to have Caryn check on all our employees, including Kendal and Megan.It also made sense to investigate recipients of money from our charities. The headlines almost wrote themselves: ‘Dawson Gives Money to Mass Murderer.‘That realization, that I hadn’t done my due diligence, and the fact that Tami really didn’t have a way to punish Brandon, had me take a dive emotionally. I was instrumental in my best friend being raped. Add to it that he said the reason he did it was to take me. We shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be here. We shouldn’t be going through this. Our hugs should not be reduced to pressing our hands to the glass and aligning them, accompanied by strained, humorless smiles. It is at this window, sitting on a stainless steel stool, leaning on a stainless counter,, where I was told how to make a decent cup of coffee in jail. You take one packet of coffee, a couple hot cocoa packets. Mix ’em together in hot water. Then, add a couple atomic fireballs, and roll them around like the marble in a spray-paint can. I’ve also learned, at the window in the room halfway down that horror-movie hallway, that in order to get enough of what you want or need, you have to barter. Prison commissary only allows so much per section. Ten-ish snacks. 20-ish drink mixes per week. Get ten coffee, then you don’t have enough hot cocoa to make it decent. You can barter for more than coffee. Portraits of loved ones, drawn with stubby pencils, eight-by-ten, and from snapshots.
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